Vapour in the Wind

I tumbled out of bed this morning and was less than amused at the thought of going to church in my half-wakeful state. I remember once leading a discussion on preparing our hearts before going to church and being ready to receive God's word that today. This morning I was not in the mind or mood for preparation but thanks be to God that He can speak to me despite my human disgrace. Anyway... This morning David Smith from ICC was speaking at our church. The first thing I noticed as he got up to speak was that, alarmingly, he had no power-point. Sometimes in the morning, having failed to prepare my heart and mind, I rely on the power-point to guide me through and I could tell that this morning was going to require extra effort. Good on him for keeping my attention.

This morning's passage was from James 4. A mixture of verses, in particular v. 13 and 14. These verses are echoed in the song 'Who am I?' by Casting Crowns and as soon as the words 'vapour in the wind' were read I found myself hearing the song. David's whole interpretation of the passage embodied the attitude of James that we must realise and accept our own mortality. As he pointed out we are living in a day and age which seems to deny and prevent the very process of age and refuses to speak of death for fear of being pessimistic. We live in an age which encourages us to map out our lives from one step to the next, always pushing us forward at every opportunity and barely - if ever - allows opportunity for God's will to the deciding factor, however unpredictable it may seem. Although, as David pointed out, the relevance or credibility of the writing of James has previously come in to question I found the passage valid and encouraging.

Always debating the precariousness of my current situation and the fact that I am very vague about what the future holds other than God's leading, it was an encouragement to have my attitude verified. My mother is ever in favour of taking practical measures and having a plan A, B and C. At the moment I seem only to have a sense of God's leading to step one and am as yet unaware of step two or three. Sometimes I wonder if this is just me being the 'hippy' that I would like to be - leaping in to the future with uncertainty and enthusiasm and I wonder if in fact I should become the level-headed, plan-ahead person that my mum is. However, David's message this morning convicted and encouraged me once more that, although practical measures for the present must always be in place, there is no predicting what God will do today or tomorrow. I have one life and want to live it for the kingdom - for what other cause would be worth devoting a life time to? As Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." Money, power and status are becoming a priority in this life. While each in their own right is not a bad thing, our vision must be set beyond these for in a life as frail and unpredictable as this, what good will any of them do? Previous to David's sermon I had been listening to a song by one of my favourite artists, Nicole C. Mullen. Her song " When Heaven Calls" just about sums up James's attitude to the nature of this life and the vision of eternity.

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"When Heaven Calls"
Nicole C. Mullen

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"Much faster than the blink of an eye,
Lightning will flash and he'll split the sky.
Nobody knows the day or the time,
The trumpet shall sound and we will arise.

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When heaven calls and this life is over
We'll stand before our God and Saviour.
When heaven calls
We must be ready
To trade these mortal things
For immortality
When heaven calls.

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For every man there is a time
To love and to laugh, to live and to die.
So I'm living for the one who is Love
And I'm dying to hear Him say 'Well done'
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When heaven calls and this life is over
I'll stand before my God and Saviour.
When Heaven calls I will be ready
To trade these mortal things
For immortality
When Heaven calls."

A Child's Touch

A statue which somehow captures the heart behind everything I do.

Music for the Soul

The final day of 2007. This morning I had to get up at what seemed like a horrific hour (8:30am) and head over to the 'KBC sound studio' as I now know it, to do some recording. This was a first. Usually anything I have recorded has been an 'all-in-one' production, just hitting record and doing it in one take. However, today I was recording the first song from my album - the song I wrote for our previous youth minister's leaving service. I'm ashamed to say the song was only half-written when I performed it due to work pressure and time constraints so I vowed to someday rewrite and record it properly. At least I can say I managed by the end of the year.

Recording it 'properly' was a new experience but one I thoroughly enjoyed. The difficulty in composing the song was that it was just me and the piano - I had to invent and practise all the other parts separately and just mix them in my head. It was a beautiful journey to hear each part be recorded and come together just as I had imagined. I was working with a brilliant team - three of my best mates and Deacs, who has become a complete legend in my books. We just got down to business and started putting it together. The girls were fabulously patient as I did all the piano, all the synth etc. and just waited until their parts were due. The vocals were the part I was most nervous about. Somehow when singing I feel like I'm giving away part of myself and so if it doesn't sound good I can be quite unhappy. I managed to get away with only three or four takes and although I'll never really be happy with the way my voice sounds, the edited production will sound great thanks to the wonders of modern technology.

So, one song down, six to go! My new year's resolution (one of them anyway) is to finish the album by the end of next year but more preferably by the end of summer. Now that I have a better idea of what's involved in the recording I can be more prepared. I'm so grateful to the people who are willing to come on this journey with me and be part of a new chapter in my life. With that in mind I'm looking forward to the next year despite the onslaught of work I am facing. I'm sure I'll find my therapy in making the music that I enjoy with the friends that I've been blessed with. Here's to another year.

Research

Christmas should be a holiday, it really should. Unfortunately, for some of us, it's just a chance to catch up with work and write one of the many assignments which will soon be due for handing in. I was never really one for studying. Although I'm quite good at writing an essay (even at 3:30am - yes it has happened) I find the research painstaking and often struggle to find the motivation to even open a book. However, where the subject of my research actually captures my interest, particularly where the research is voluntary or self-chosen, the results prove to be more satisfying and the learning much more valuable to myself.


As previously mentioned, I have taken on an independent study module as part of my graduation process. I considered various subjects to research, weighing up the options of picking something easy and which I already knew a lot about or embarking on a completely new area of research that would be both interesting and useful in my current and future work. Being ever in favour of taking on a challenge I opted for the latter. I was asked to prepare a presentation on behaviour management for the team at Friday Night Live, part of the ongoing youth outreach at our church. At first I felt this would be easy enough, I could simply transfer my existing knowledge of discipline and the various techniques of pupil management in to the youth ministry context. However, as I considered the issue surrounding discipline at FNL I realised that there is far more to the issue than meets the eye. Always in favour of making life easy I decided to make the topic of my independent study module the same as that of my presentation, therefor allowing myself sufficient time for proper research. So, I am currently studying what will be known as, "The Implications of Discipline in a Christian Youth Work Setting."


I've found the research fascinating as I've covered various subjects such as active listening and counselling skills, pastoral approaches, responding to challenging behaviour and looking at all this in parallel with the mission statement outlined by Jesus and the intended purpose of the youth ministry at FNL. The more I read the more questions arise; How do we 'do' discipline in youth ministry, particularly in detatched youth work? What is the purpose of our discipline and what do we convey by the standards we set? What, if any, effect does our discipline and it's application have on our relationships with the young people? How does our discpline communicate the gospel?


I see a PhD on the horizon. Watch this space.

Christmas

After commenting on Lynn's post about what we love or hate about Christmas, I finally gave in to the glimmer of festive spirit that's waiting to explode as soon as my uni work is done. I confess that I am awaiting the moment my assignment is handed in and I can immerse myself in festivities. Until then I shall control myself and simply ask for your thoughts.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Job

Following my last blog I felt that my knowledge of the book of Job wasn't very sharp and that it would pay to do a little digging. I found my study guide to the Old Testament and looked at some of the questions there to help guide my thoughts.

The book of Job was first drawn to my attention during the summer. I was idly flicking through my bible one night and came across one of Job's speeches. I found it compelling. The intensity of his anger, his suffering and his situation just seemed so real. As I read it felt almost as if Job was in the room, yelling out with frustration. The whole passage just resonated with my feelings at the time. Here is a small excerpt as translated in The Message:

"Let God step on me - squash me like a bug, and be done with me for good.

At least then I'd have the satisfaction of not having blasphemed the Holy God, before being pressed to the limits.

Where's the strength to keep my hopes up?

What future do I have to keep me going?

Do you think I have nerves of steel?

Do you think I'm made of iron?

Do you think I can just pull myself up by my bootstraps?

I don't even have any boots!"

(Job 6:8-13)

If we're honest, how often do we feel like that? There are times where we feel there is little to go on and we might as well give up. It is not a favourable situation to be in. The reality of the whole situation became clearer as I studied the book of Job and began to unravel the context in which it was set and the different perspectives from which the story can be told.

God: He is proud of Job. He knows that Job is a good, honourable and loyal servant. He has give Job many blessings and is proud of the faith which Job has maintained. So proud in fact, that he can boast to Satan of the faithful servant that he has.

As a point of reflection we could ask ourselves, "What would God boast of us? Anything?" I often wonder, if God were to discuss my faith with Satan (which I very much doubt) who would be prouder of the work they have achieved in my life? A scary thought.

Satan: He's convinced that Job is only a fair-weather follower. He believes that Job is only faithful because God has only ever blessed him.

Should we ask ourselves, "To what extent are we only fair-weather friends of Jesus? Are we only faithful when the blessings have been bestowed?" Being a Christian is difficult and it is a challenge which we endure from the day we are saved until the day we die. Throughout the course of our life time there will be many high points (one would hope) and also many lows. But just how faithful are we in the times of darkness and desperation? Do we talk God up to our friends as long as he's giving us blessing to boast about? Are we even prepared for the fact that suffering will approach because we are in a relationship with God? I'm not sure that I always am.

Job: Job is convinced (and he was right) that he has lived a life worthy of God's approval. He has been loyal, honest, faithful and even repentant on behalf of his sons on the occasions that they 'might' have sinned. Therefor, in some respects, it is understandable that when unexpected suffering comes he is not at pleased and feels that such suffering is a good deal less than what he really deserves. His challenge to God is simply, "Tell me what I did. Tell me what I have done to deserve this and I will pay my dues." He believes that the suffering set upon him is deserved because of some sin he has unwittingly committed. The irony is that his trials were brought about because he was such a faithful servant. When things go wrong in ourselves, how much do we question ourselves and question God? If we were Job could we really have even begun to work out what was going on? Do we automatically presume that God is bringing punishment on us or being unfair? I admit that there are times when I do.

Job's friends: on the other hand, were far less than helpful. It is important to note that the 'theology' of Job's friends is far from accurate in many ways and God makes a point of saying so.

To begin with his friends did well. They sat with Job and identified with his pain. However, it's all downhill from there as they attempt to either prove Job guilty or second-guess God's plans. Neither of these approaches gained much and only made Job feel worse.

"When desperate people give up on God Almighty, their friends should at least stick by them," Job says. "And you, my so-called friends are no better - there's nothing to you! One look at a hard scene and you shrink in fear."

Tough words. Would our friends say the same about us? When we are suffering just how helpful are our friends? Do they sit, as Job's friends initially did, and identify in our suffering? Do they bring themselves to where we are and look out with the same perspective or do they second-guess God's working, standing on the dock presuming that we are at fault? Do we as friends do the same to others? Do I?

I am in a situation where I currently do have friends who are grieving, who are suffering, who are lost. Reading Job has made me consider my approach and my attitude as I try to help them through. I would hope that Job's description of his friends would not be one that would easily reflect me. The challenge now is to working on applying what I have learned from my brief study of such a telling story. There are great lessons to be learned from Job about being a Christian, about suffering, about God, about being a friend and about Judgement. I still feel that I have a lot more to learn fromJob and am looking for a better study guide to work with. Roll on ICC. In the mean time let's see how much of my learning I can apply to myself - not as a means of becoming a better person in the eyes of God or anyone else, but so that I can provide comfort and care that is truly of use to those who need it. How can I identify with them and stop myself from judging? Perhaps I also need to think more carefully about how I how I respond to my own situation and how I approach God with my complaints. There's much to be learned here. It's all part of growing and learning.

Blind Faith

As noted on my ‘currently reading’ list I have been reading Ben Elton’s latest book, Blind Faith. My Gran gave me the book with a wonderful note attached: ‘To Amie. A subversive book from a subversive Gran.’ My Gran is consciously atheist and no doubt wished to expand my thinking beyond that of my faith. Quite right. Always in favour of expanding my thinking (and quite frankly, being short of a good novel to read) I took up the challenge with enthusiasm. It is a very post-apocalyptic story which in many ways reflects the direction of our current society. The main character, Trafford, asks a question that is the pinnacle or point of the whole story. His question is this:

“Wouldn’t faith itself be more valuable if it was arrived at through question and doubt? What’s the use of blind faith? Seriously, it’s not difficult saying you have faith if the alternative is being burned alive. But does that mean you really have faith?”

A valid question, I feel.

Coming from a Christian background and church based up-bringing I would further that question by asking, “Do we allow ourselves to question and to doubt? Do we allow others to do the same?” Having a lot of Christian friends I have seen many of them (and myself) struggle, facing sometimes what can be a deep crisis of faith or a need to challenge what they have always believed. There can be a tendency to try and make people avoid this, to take their questions and throw back the answers that we feel they should already know. Is this helpful in maintaining their relationship with God or is it simply promoting blind faith? It is easy to be scared that if people begin to question or doubt what they believe in that they will find other answers or some other truth – one that is far less desirable. However, I know from my own times of crisis or from questioning my own values and beliefs, that very often I come back to the original conclusion but with a far better understanding of what I believe and why I believe it. Sometimes I have also come to the conclusion that the things I had being doing were pointless and yes, based on blind faith but of no real benefit to my relationship with God or others.
Job was as guy who really questioned God. He remained faithful through significant trials and did not speak a word against Him despite the hardship that he faced. However, there came a significant point where he could not go undoubting any longer and with some fervour, really question his faith and his God. The book of Job reflects a conversation between Job, his friends and God. He questions what he has been doing and believing in for so long. His friends are not of much use. They give him the kind of answers that just attempt to shut him up and stop him from challenging things. They provide the kind of answers that yes, are based on scriptures and true on many counts but they’re given in a know-it-all nature. They stand on the other side of the fence telling Job how it is. Their answers do not seem to come out of any kind of compassion or even admission that they do not know the answers either. They provided all the religious wisdom they could muster and yet had no impact on bringing Job closer to God in his time of suffering. In the end, it was God who provided the answers and God alone who could reveal any truth to Job. Not only did he reveal the truth but he rebuked Job's friends for spouting rubbish and speaking untruths about God when they really hadn't a clue.
I am not suggesting that when our friends are doubting or questioning that all our attempts to bring scriptural truths or our own words of wisdom to the situation will be futile or worthless but I do feel that, rather than standing at the side shouting out the answers, we should attempt to walk with our friends through their challenges, to give them freedom to ask questions and explore new territories and remain faithful in prayer for them throughout. God may use us to bring people to (or back to) faith through our relationships with them and we should be ready for that.
If a person is really seeking the truth of God we should trust that God himself can and will reveal what needs to be known in His own time, which we cannot second-guess. Surely if we believe that God is all-powerful and the only real truth in this world, we know that he can reveal the answers that people need to restore their faith. We should journey with them and help them to build a solid foundation of understanding rather than a life built around a lack of questioning.

So, from this line of thought what is the challenge for me? To provide my friends with support, freedom, comfort and, where I can, wisdom in their times of doubt and questioning. Questions are dangerous, oh yes, but are they any more so than blind faith?