What would you do...?

Read this article from today's BBC News...


What would YOU do?

Living with Reactive Attachment Disorder

"In order to understand what an unattached child feels, one must understand his perspective. Imagine that you are the young child who must cross a frozen lake in the autumn to reach your home. As you are walking across the lake alone, you fall suddenly and unexpectedly through the ice. Shocked and cold in the dark, you can't even cry for help. You struggle for your very life. Alone, helpless, and hopeless without the very air you need to breathe for life, you struggle to the surface. Locating the jagged opening, you drag yourself through to the air and crawl back into the woods from where you started. You decide to live there and never, ever to return onto the ice. As weeks go by and you see the others skating and cross the ice, you become clearer in your perception that the ice hates you alone. If you go onto it, you will die.

The ice represents the strength of the bond and your ability to trust. It was damaged by the break in your connection to someone you trusted. Some children have numerous bonding breaks throughout their young lives. This is like crashing them through the ice water each time they are moved, scarring and chilling their hearts against ever loving and bonding again."

Thomas, N - "When Love is Not Enough" (2005:15)

What is worse, is that you can see the illogical stupidity of it all in your own mind, but you can never change how you feel. Regardless, that fear will never leave you.

The Primal Wound

"For adoptees [in particular], the need to defend against the possibility of abandonment or other losses intrudes into almost every relationship, beginning with the adoptive [parents] and including their relationships to friends, lovers and even themselves." (Verrier 1993:59)

Attachment Theory has been at the forefront of psychological studies for decades. The concept of primal attachment, both prenatal and postnatal, has contributed greatly to both professional practise and practical parenthood all over the world. In recent years however, there has been a greater emphasis on what happens when attachment 'goes wrong'. Attachment Disorders are becoming more widely recognised as a social and psychological issue. Since the 1950s, Freud and Bowlby have contributed substantially to discussions on the need for secure attachment in the early years and the significant impact of what happens when loss or trauma occurs, derailing the attachment process. Much work has been added to discussions since then.

However, one place that this discussion is less prominent is within the faith community. Attachment disorders affect people greatly, from childhood right through to their adult lives, and will undoubtedly impact their faith development on many levels, as well as their ecclesial relationships. Those with insecure attachment will often experience severe mistrust, anxiety, emotional instability and relational difficulties. There can be no doubt that these difficulties will not only impact their human relationships but will transfer vertically to their relationship with God. Over the next 6 months I'll be doing more in-depth research in to the reality of attachment disorders and their impact upon children's daily lives and faith development.   From time to time I'll post some of my findings here for others to engage with.


My studies will include children in foster care, adoptees, street children and children who have experienced significant loss or trauma in the early years. If anyone has good resources they can share or something they feel might contribute to my research, please get in touch! This is a very specific subject that has very little published material and any help would be muchly appreciated!

Moses: Child At Risk

As a core part of my specialism in children's ministry this year I have been taking a module in the subject of 'Children at Risk'. It is without a doubt the area I am most passionate about and the area of ministry where I see myself working in the future. We have studied plenty of topics - including the tough ones; the basics of human development, children who have suffered trauma or grief, children of war and military families, children with HIV/Aids, street child, children who are victims of abuse and so on. These are not easy subjects to tackle on a daily basis but they are certainly a vital part of my training and I'm enjoying the opportunity to be more equipped to work in this area of ministry.

Sometimes it seems as if 'Children at Risk' is a new concept and something that certainly wasn't around in bible times. My Old and New Testament studies alike have revealed to me the very opposite. When thinking about children at risk in the bible there were plenty. The first few families in the bible are less than welcoming, stable environments for healthy child development (just look at Jacob and Esau or Joseph!). Hebrew children lived under the Egyptian oppression and lived through constant insecurity and instability in the exodus. Countless children lost parents and families in the epic battles and wars of Chronicles and Kings. The infant Jesus was under persecution from Herod. Young children lived in the Greco-Roman societies where cultic abuse was the norm. Children and their families were persecuted for their involvement in the early church - the list is quite endless. 'Children at Risk' is not a new phenomenon.

Perhaps one of the most distinct children at risk in the early Old Testament is Moses. Born a Hebrew boy under the threat of death from the Egyptian Pharaoh, Moses wasn't entitled to the freedom that other children were afforded. His mother kept him hidden for the first three months of his life. When she could hide him no more she put him in a basket of reeds and set him out on the river Nile with a prayer and a hope that he might survive. Health and safety? Don't think so! It is not unlike countless stories I have heard about women in the Middle East today hiding their children by all strange manner of means to avoid persecution, violence and abuse. By some miracle (and I use this word in it's fullest biblical sense) Moses survives and falls into the hands of the Egyptian Pharaoh's daughter. The irony of this story falls in two distinct places. Firstly Pharaoh had ordered that all Hebrew boys were to be killed upon birth by drowning in the river Nile - the very means by which Moses was rescued from death (Exodus 1:22). Secondly, Moses is rescued by the very family who decreed his death. Sometimes stories like this help me to understand a little more of God's sense of humour. Now, safe from imminent death our little Moses is nursed by an Egyptian midwife in the royal palace and grows up in what can only be assumed as luxury accommodation. It is at this point and through Exodus 2:11-13 that my curiosity of his situation really begins. What, if anything, was Moses told about his own circumstances? Did Pharaoh's daughter pretend that he was hers by birth? Did he know his roots and the story of his people? Where did he get his familial identity from? Perhaps if he knew the truth (which I suspect he did but can always only speculate) he would suffer from much of the difficulties faced by children in 21st century social care. It might have troubled him deeply to know that he was separated from his biological family. He may have struggled to trust his 'grandfather' the Pharaoh knowing what he might have suffered at his hand. Biblical narratives are at times a flat and objective and I often so wish that there was a way to find these things out. In Exodus 2:11-13 Moses defends a Hebrew man, 'one of his own people' (NIV). Did he know that his family origins were of Hebrew decent? Is this simply a factual detail from the writer? I'm not sure but I suspect that given the subsequent events he might have known. As a young man exiled to a distant place he marries in to a different family yet again. Did this help him to absolve any struggles he may have had? Did his own experiences impact the way he raised his own children? Undoubtedly. How could they not? When leading the war against Pharaoh in the name of 'his people' I wonder what went on in his mind. It is clear that God had called him to this task (Exodus 3) but did he struggle with family loyalty? He was essentially rebelling against the people who had raised him - his 'mother' and 'grandfather'. Did he struggle with the fact that he considered them his family? Would he feel guilty? Was he appeased by the fact that his loyalty lay with the Hebrews - 'his people'? By this time Moses was 80 years old. How much baggage had he accumulated in his life-time? More than most. When the passover happened and the angel of death wiped out each first-born of Pharaoh's people did he have any remorse for the fact that this would have been his own fate at the command of the Egyptians? Did he feel differently given that it was the command of the Lord? Another ironic turn in the story - Pharaoh's own command is reversed on to his own family. The biblical writers often make the stories sound incredibly factual or somehow easy to grasp but there is a great depth to each character that is often missed out - one which we can only look at with a speculative view.

There are so many questions I'd love to ask of what went on in the mind of Moses. Growing up I often thought of him along with Abraham as one of 'the old beardy guys' who led people on long journeys and failed to see any depth in his character as a human being. Today I'm looking at him through different eyes. I see in Moses a lot of the struggles and questions I've seen in the children I work with - a struggle with personal identity and family relationships. Moses adventure is so beautiful in that he returns to join the Hebrew people and liberate them from oppression, as one who could identity with their struggles.

So what can the bible offer children who's family circumstances are messy, complicated and difficult? I'm slowly learning that it gives us significant insight into the lives people who had similar struggles and the way in which God aided and used them as agents of change. It is easy to glance at the bible and assume that God called and used only the greatest of people with the strongest family history and those were clearly equipped for the tasks He presented. Even a short study of the story of Moses would reveal the opposite. His family situation was messy, complicated, difficult. He faced a real struggle with personal identity. He wasn't even able to speak for himself at critical moments - relying on Aaron who had a greater gift of speech. Many children today who are fostered, adopted, live on the street or have 'complicated' families struggle with their own identity and self worth. It can be difficult for them to believe that God has any purpose or use for them. It seems to them impossible that they are capable of serving in the Kingdom of God. I believe that for many children the story of Moses offers a hope and reassurance that God does not call those who are equipped but he equips those whom he has called. He does not wait for the perfect CV, a tidy family background or people who 'know who they are'. He takes the broken, the weary, the disadvantaged and the complicated, trading their piles of ashes for future glory. This is the God I know.

And the other six days?

Very often when I tell people I'm going in to full time ministry, or more specifically Children's Ministry, I receive that irritating response experienced by most ministers:


"I see... so what will you do the other six days of the week?"

Sigh. "Give me grace, Lord, give me grace that I might not hit a fellow human being." I jest. (But it is tempting.) So, what exactly will I fill my time with when I leave college?

The specifics I'm not yet sure of but the questions in recent classes have given me a clue as to the kind of work I want to be involved in. This semester I'm taking two Children's Ministry modules: "Children and Church" and "Children at Risk". Both are incredibly challenging classes, as not only the theory is so complex but it's implications for practice are even more so. Here are just a few of the questions we've been considering in the last week or so:



What are the immediate and long-term losses suffered by children in crisis (ie. those who have experience neglect, abuse, war, violence, trauma) and how does this affect their social, emotional, physical, spiritual and cognitive development?

How should the Church respond to these losses and intervene in the cycle of violence?

What hope does the Gospel have to offer children who are suffering?


Every week we read case studies of children who are involved in militant warfare; who suffer abuse or neglect at the hands of their carers; who are lost in illegal immigrations; who are separated from their families; who are exploited by adults for economic benefits; whose lives are in imminent danger from natural disaster; who are feeling so pressured by the demands of life that death seems an easier option. This is not an uplifting class but it is in every way a realistic and helpful one.


It is incredibly challenging and difficult stuff. In my current work situation with children in the East End of Glasgow I'm working alongside children who have experience loss, trauma, neglect, abuse and violence. It is not easy. What can I offer them in the way of help? What can I offer them in the way of hope? What does it mean to have compassion for these children? What would Jesus do to help these children? There are no easy answers - there are more difficult questions than easy answers. How do I remain strong in my faith in light of what these children are going through? How do I approach God and ask him "WHY?".


Though it is difficult ,it is good theoretical and emotional preparation for what I may face in my trip to Brazil this summer. I'm going out with a team from the church to visit our missionary partners who work in the favelas of Sao Paulo. There we'll help to do some building work on a house that will be used to shelter the children who live on the street or in abusive home situations. We'll go out to visit the children living on the streets of the city and build up relationships with them. We'll encourage the local churches to reach out and offer their help and support to these children in crisis. It's going to be tough stuff but definitly worth the challenge.


Children's ministry can be fun - but it's not always. These are the kind of things I know I'll be facing in my future ministry. It will be my job to offer help and hope to children who are at risk or in crisis. So, what will I do the other six days of the week?


Reach Out. Build Up. Persevere. Pray.


Lamentations 2:19 (NIV) "Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the live of your children, who faint from hunger at the head of every street."

Growing. Learning. Teaching.

This week will be my first teaching gig at my placement church and the first time exclusively teaching and leading adults in a ministry context. Am I terrified? Yes. Am I excited? Even more so.

The topic of the seminar is ''Kids Behaving Badly - Discipline in Children and Youth Ministry''. For many people even the title provokes strong reaction. Many assume it's a pet subject because of my background in teaching. Many see it as making a big deal out of something pretty simple. However, the workshop aims to be much more than just a 'how to' session. The first part consists of looking objectively and biblically at discipline, what it actually is and the neccessity of it. I think it is vital for people to understand that discipline is far beyond just making kids do what they're told. It's a means for making our ministry more effective. It's a process for discipling them to take responsibility for themselves and others. It's an opportunity to engage in meaningful discussion about biblical behaviour. It's a gateway to deeper and better relationships. It's a tool for understanding those in our care and the issues that are affecting them. It is one way in which we love them and express our concern for them. It's a chance to get to know what's really going on in their hearts, minds and souls.

Discipline is so much more than just kids behaving badly.

Every Blessing

Well, since my last post what can I say... things just keep on getting better!


This weekend has been just brilliant. I had a suprise visit from my best friend who was home on study leave. I love the spontanious opportunities to catch up and just hang out together - makes me realise how few and far between such occassions can be. Friday night I was back at FNL as usual and was helping to put together the epic event that will be "FNL's Got Talent." Rebekah and I were putting the kids through their paces and checking the progress of each act. One group of girls in particular just blew us away with their efforts. They dance and cheerlead together and are best friends both in and out of school. Every week these girls turn up with a themed outfit of some variety - usually neon rave and on occassion their PJs! The girls came to us before the rehearsal with some drama about having had a fall-out and some of the group members weren't speaking. They agreed to rehearse anyway. I was just in awe of their efforts and the teamwork they put in despite the fact that they weren't on speaking terms. I had to sit the girls down and just tell them what a special friendship they had going on and encouraged them not to waste that. Thankfully they saw my point and made up. I realised how much I love the kids at FNL and I'm so grateful to be part of the ministry there.



Saturday - what an adventure!

I was at work 11am-8pm and it was a tough shift cause the rugby was on. However, at 11pm that night I set off to help on the launch of the new ICC Buddies Bus. The college recently aquired a new bus. Thanks to the extreme hard work and sheer determination of a few dedicated people it was completely transformed. A few weeks ago I went along to help with some on-board painting and decorating and it was great to see the work in progress. Saturday night was the launch of the new bus and the first time in over 7 months the bus ministry had been on the street. What a night! We had a huge response and interest from people in the streets and between 12:30-4:30am the bus was full of clubbers, rugby boys and people just out for the night. I met some brilliant people and God just blessed us by giving us a noticeable and welcomed presence in Sauchihall St. We teamed up with the Street Pastors, giving them somewhere to rest for a while and were supported by the patroling police officers. The launch night was so successful and I know it meant so much to those who have been putting so much work in to making it happen.




Sunday - needless to say after getting home at 5am I slept in quite a bit but in the evening I set off for my friend's sister's Baptism. I had really wanted to go but couldn't because I was on band duty at church with no-one to cover. With only 10 minutes to spare before rehearsals someone stepped in to cover me and I was able to go. It was a really special night - not just because two people I knew were getting baptised but because I could see God at work in a much bigger picture in the lives of their families and friends. I just felt so blessed to be able to witness that and share in the experience.





And finally... I've got a flat! I went with my parents to view a few flats last week and they put an offer in on a top floor flat just behind the college. Today we found out our offer has been acceppted! We still need to do all the formal paperwork and so forth but it's pretty much ours! I feel like God has just blessed me constantly for the past few months and it seems to be a confirmation that I trusted Him and made the right decision in moving to ICC. My leap of faith has been well and truly rewarded.